Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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