Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize