Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
