making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
