It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
