I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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