We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
