I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize