1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
