Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize