i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
