youre lurking in front of me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
