I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
