i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
barbara walters just said penis...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
