Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
