good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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