I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
