Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
