So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
