Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you win again, gameday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
