Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
