the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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