Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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