i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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