i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
