Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
