What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
