Moan for me like Helen Keller
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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