also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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