Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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