3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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