Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
