And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
