Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
