I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
