can u get pink eye on your cock?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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