I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
