lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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