JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
