So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
