I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize