Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
why is half of my head shaved?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
