I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
