I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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