love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
