you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
