The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
