I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
