Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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