He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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