Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
