I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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