there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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