in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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