before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
