Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
