i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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