Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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