party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize