Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
