Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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