Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
