I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She bit a glass in half.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
