the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this just has baby written all over it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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