before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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