I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
