so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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