could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just google imaged poop.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
