LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
