Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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