I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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