you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found puke in my bra..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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