So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize