i need an iv and a liver transplant
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
