Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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