Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
