Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
