Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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