We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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