is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
