i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
