I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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