Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
