...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
