Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
