put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
