I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize