The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
